Dealing with drama at the office is one of many worst parts to be an executive. It gets the potential to suck living out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for many of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The very best exemplory case of that is one my clients - we shall call him John.
John could be the CEO of a production company. He hates drama. You can literally see his skin crawl when he talks about it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he talks about the newest drama of the day. "I simply don't get it. What's everyone's problem? Why can't they just do their work? It's like coping with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We can all relate to John. We have all experience political situations that people choose to forget. Those occasions when we're caught in a peak of workplace drama - anyone is upset, gossip in the business is rampant, and we feel just like a ping pong ball as we bounce around trying to make sense of the issue. So, what is an executive to complete? If you are caught in drama, how do you escape this dark hole?
First off, let's speak about what never to do. John illustrates this well. Every time John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. Not surprisingly, the placating nod does probably the most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, but when John he takes no action, they get mad. End result? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Some people get angry. The irony is that now individuals have a new issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It is not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, what was John doing wrong? Well, several things. First of all, he distanced himself from the drama to the point that he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became the main drama problem because nothing got managed in a constructive way.
One of the basic principles of coping with drama at the office is to acknowledge your emotional patterns when you encounter drama and to acknowledge how your typical reaction plays a role in the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John was able to self-manage his reactions better, he could have got an alternative tactic when employees came to him about issues. He would have expressed confidence within their ability to take care of the situation constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or brought in a talented 3rd party to help them. Instead, he was so busy managing his own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction which includes blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no matter what the important points of the situation and they include the next roles:
The Persecutor: "This provider is this kind of hole." "I can't believe the quality of management." "It is all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is just a real idiot." All the energy switches into finding someone or something at fault for the company's problems. Blaming somebody else makes people feel a lot better and, obviously, it means other people have to improve, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is the victim in the drama. They work with a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They could try to find you to definitely rescue them, or at fault, to be able to eliminate their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a prey to feel good. They are "do-gooders" without boundaries. "I'd like to fix this. I'd like to take this on." "I can save the day." "I'd like to rescue this poor person who was simply hard done by." Rescuers may try to help people without having to be asked, or they take a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
Many people learn the energy to be a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they continue this behaviour within their career without having to be alert to it. Being an executive, in the event that you engage in this behaviour or respond to it, you'll escalate the drama and there would have been a price to pay - people won't wish to meet your needs, you'll feel drained at the office, and you'll develop a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you will need setting the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Here are a few specific tactics:
- Watch out for drama triangles and begin to pay attention to who's playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful of which role you have a tendency to play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization to take on a specific role. Are people "bonding" together when they've somebody else at fault? Are they avoiding coping with the complexity of issues by blaming anyone? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby providing them with power? Are you creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what is being avoided by participating in the drama. Are there some deeper issues in the business that have to be addressed? If so, what're they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What have you been doing? Not doing? What have you been taking responsibility for? Have you agreed to complete a lot more than you wish to?
- Whenever you get brought about by a dilemma, focus on grounding yourself. Don't cope with the drama until you may get involved without escalating your own personal emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a wholesome outcome by concentrating on principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Understand that the more intense the drama, the harder it is to get visitors to come up with a wholesome outcome.
-If you're too near the issue available, get a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
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